How to Make Hard Decisions
How to make hard decisions when you're stuck in a state of indecisiveness.
I’m moving & it sucks.
I’m moving. I’m leaving Los Angeles in just a few days. And to the best of my knowledge, I will not be back for quite some time. Bittersweet is an understatement—in fact, cut the "sweet" part, it's mostly bitter.
You see, this is how I've planned it for awhile, so why am I upset? If you remember back to my article about traveling the world for a year, then you'll remember that this was in fact part of the plan. To travel the world indefinitely one must move away from where they are currently staying. So I've known all along, yet it hurts.
There would be a lot to complain about if I were to make this a "why I'm mad about plans changing." I could go on about how my last months in LA were spent in isolation, how I never got to properly say goodbye to my friends, eat one last delicious meal at my fave restaurants, or simply spend a day strolling the streets of Venice or Weho. I could rant about how my travel plans will most likely be slightly postponed, how I am anxious about going home to live with my parents in the interim, or how I am simply sad as hell to leave my favorite city, Los Angeles.
But I'm not sharing this blog to rant, complain, or whine; instead, I'm hoping to use my situation to share an example of applied wisdom on indecisiveness my mom shared with me many moons ago. The concept of "the lesser of two pains."
"But idk what I want"
Indecision is one of the most frustrating hindrances on our growth as a human. "Which place should we eat?" "What should I major in in college?" "Should I break up with my partner?" When one is forced to make a decision no matter how big or small, there is usually at least one pro and at least one con to either decision.
Many times when we're approached with a decision, we tend to fixate on the pros of either outcome. "Omg, Chick-fil-A sounds so good, wait, but so does Mexican! Ugh, idk what to do!" When you look at decisions focusing on the pros, it's easy to feel stuck because both outcomes feel like good or at least okay options. The truth is, comparing the pros is like comparing the "best case scenarios" of each decisions, and even still most typically yield outcomes that are at least acceptable. This comparison will keep you stagnant because there is not urgency to choose. It's the cons that usually hold the overarching power in decision making.
The Lesser of Two Pains
You've probably heard of the saying "the lesser of two evils" when referring to morally challenging decisions, i.e. being honest about a friend's appearance "that's not flattering," or being kind to a friend, "you look great in that!" The saying suggests choosing the option with the lesser moral wrongdoing according to your values.
The lesser of two pains is similar, but different. It challenges one to evaluate the cons of each outcome, as well as the consequence of choosing one option over the other, and then compare the amount of pain each choice would evoke. So here's how I have come to the conclusion to leave LA using the Lesser of Two Pains concept.
Option 1: Stay in LA
Pros: get to stay with friends, get to live in the best city, teach yoga in an epicenter for yoga, grow more as a designer, etc.
Cons: not be able to travel consistently, having to continue paying high rent when traveling, feeling stagnant in my growth as a person.
Option 2: Leave LA
Pros: getting to travel consistently & indefinitely rent free, save lots of money, getting to see the world, taking a break from "adulting" for a bit.
Cons: leaving friends, leaving my cute apartment, having to temporarily move home (though seeing my fam is a pro), the frustration associated with moving.
If I were just to compare the pros, this decision would seem impossible, but when weighing the cons, that's when the choice becomes clear. I realize that the greater of the two pains of staying versus leaving is the pain of not being able to travel.
I will always have wonderful friends (whether near or far), I will always be able to come back to LA if I so choose later, and moving sucks no matter what. The deepest pain evoked of all of the cons listed is undoubtedly letting go of the opportunity to travel. Maybe one would argue, "Well Bella, couldn't the same be said about travel? Can't you just do it later?" Honestly, no. Not the way I plan on doing it (i.e. budget, solo, flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants vibes).
I know my life will change as I grow: romantic partners, animals, accumulation of things, houses, potentially little people—things will most likely never be simpler than they are right now. Now's the time to do it if I'm gonna.
Decision made. But it doesn't mean it feels 100% great, the pain of leaving still hurts. Avoiding making decisions might dismiss the pain for awhile, but it’s essentially choosing stagnancy, and stagnancy does not usually lead to growth. So here's to actually making decisions, to choosing the lesser of two pains, and to growing.
